6

One of the allegedly shameful poems they read out derived from a letter I wrote to a certain Calpurnianus, which had to do with toothpaste (1). As the verses themselves show, Calpurnianus himself requested the toothpaste (2-3). There is nothing shameful about this at all (4). Calpurnianus should be using urine to clean his teeth, as the Spaniards do (5).  

(1)

lūdicrīs: "light works." E. Courtney in Fragmentary Latin Poets capitalizes this as the title of a work.

versibus scrīptum: "written in verse(s)."

quendam Calpurianum: presumably the same person who is mentioned as the accomplice of Rufinus in section 60 (B/O), which would explain the accusers' knowledge of the text.

prōmeret: "produced" as evidence in court.

cupiditāte laedendī: "out of a desire of wounding (me)," i.e., in his eagerness to help the case against Apuleius, he overlooked a relevant fact.

sī ... fieret:  subj. in a conditional, in indirect statement.

id mihi sēcum esse commūne: indirect statement after nōn vidit. id = (ali)quid criminosum.

(2)

Nam petīsse … versūs testantur: order:  nam versūs testantur eum petīsse ā mē aliquid tersuī dentibus. petīsse  is emphatic. See petīstī in line 2 of the poem itself.

aliquid tersuī dentibus: a double dative construction with tersui as the dative of purpose AG 382, "something for a cleansing for his teeth," so "something for cleaning his teeth."

(3) 

This poem has been amusingly translated by H.E. Butler, and in the online edition by a group of graduate students working with James J. O'Donnell at Georgetown University.

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Good morrow! Friend Calpurnianus, take

The salutation these swift verses make.

Wherewith I send, responsive to thy call,

A powder rare to cleanse thy teeth withal.

This delicate dust of Arab spices fine

With ivory sheen shall make thy mouth to shine,

Shall smooth the swollen gums and sweep away

The relics of the feast of yesterday.

So shall no foulness, no dark smirch be seen,

If laughter show thy teeth their lips between.

(Butler)

 

Calpurnianus, this verse to you I write

And send you, since your mouth could use some cleaning

Arabian spice to make your whole mouth bright,

An honest powder (if you catch my meaning).

To give your swollen gums a better bite,

And lose the food that may be intervening,

Just use this well: you’ll be secure hereafter, 

In case you bare your teeth (or gums in laughter).

(Georgetown group)

properīs: "'speedy," a qualification usually taken to refer to improvisation, but which may also point to the iambic character of the poem (Hunink).  The meter of the poem is an iambic senarius, possibly (per Hunink) the obsolete senarii italici.

tibi: this word is not in the manuscripts, but was added by the editor Dousa to make the line scan.

munditiās: "cleanser," an abstract noun for a concrete item, like nitelas below.

Arabicīs frūgibus: "Arabian crops," i.e. aromatic spices, for which Arabia was well-known. This might refer to myrrh or cassia (cinnamon), or some other exotic fragrance included to improve the flavor of the toothpaste. Many ancient peoples are known to have used flavored abrasives as toothpaste.

tenuem ... pulvisculum: Apuleius is fond of using diminutives accompanied by adjectives which practically repeat the diminutive force (B/O).

complānātōrem: "flattener." This word is not attested in other ancient texts.

converritōrem: "sweeper." This word appears only here in extent ancient Latin.

prīdiānae reliquiae: uniquely attested use of the singular for the normal reliquiae, reliquiarum f. pl.

nē quā: "that in no place."

tētra: = taetra.

labes sordium: the genitive is practically equivalent to the noun on which it depends (B/O).

restrictīs … labellīs: "with the lips drawn back," to show the teeth.

forte sī labellīs rīseris: "if perhaps you laugh," future perfect in the apodosis a future more vivid condition.

restrictīs ... labellīs rīseris: the concluding image of Calpurnius laughing underscores the comic tone of the poem, but also seems to invite the audience to laugh at him: presently, he becomes the target of Apuleius's satire. There may be a specific association in the verb restringere, which can be used of animals laying bare their teeth (Hunink).

(4)

pudendum: modifies quid, "shameful," "that I should be ashamed of."

quid omnīnō: "what at all," obj. of habent.

rē aut verbō: "in content or language."

philosophus suum nōlit vidērī: "would a philosopher not wish to seem his own," i.e., would not wish to claim as his own.

(5)

in eō …  quod … mīserim: "on this point ... because ... I sent.”

quem multō aequius erat: "it would have been far more fitting for him," followed by the infinitive pūmicāre in the cited line. LS aequus II.B.3. In expressions signifying necessity, propriety, and the like, the indicative may be used, as here, in the apodosis of a contrary to fact condition (AG 522.a).

spurcissimō rītū Hibērōrum: urine was a quick and rich source of urea, a nitrogen-based organic compound. When stored for long periods of time, urea decays into ammonia. Ammonia in water acts as a caustic but weak base with a high pH that breaks down organic material. It was used in antiquity for tanning, laundering, and teeth cleaning. See Strabo, Geography 3.4.16. Diodorus Siculus 5.33.5.

ut ait Catullus: Catullus 39.19. 

pūmicāre: a correction for the manuscripts' defricāre, based on the accepted text of Catullus 39.