35

Since you have misunderstood what I was looking for, you've really shown your stupidity. I am amazed that our judge is so patient with you. 

(1)

Illud: "the following (response)," introducing the indirect statement vōs nescī(vi)sse.

ā mē quaesītum: supply esse, "was sought by me," "that I was looking for," indirect statement after fingerētis.

fingerētis: "you were (falsely) alleging," impf. subj. in indirect question. 

(2)

nōmināstis: nōmināvistis, "you mentioned."

plēraque: "usually," "very frequently."

sine ūllius operā: "without the work of anybody," "without anybody having to work hard (to find said things)."

quamlibet leviter mōtīs flūcticulīs: "with the little waves having been set in motion as lightly as you want" = "no matter how lightly the little waves are moving."

ultrō: "on their own," without needing to be hunted down.

forās: "out (of the sea)."

(3)

Quīn ergō dīcitis: "by that logic, why not say that ..."

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Pursuing his strategy of sarcasm, Apuleius mentions various 'worthless' substances that the accusers might have mentioned equally well. The long, stylistically polished list literally heaps up these waste materials, many of them indicated by means of diminutives. We may, however, doubt whether all of them were to be found in such great masses as Apuleius says. Moreover, some of them do have magical connotations, notably conchula, cancri, echini and resticulae (Hunink).

eādem operā: "in the same manner," an anteclassical usage (LS opera II.A.3).

pretiō impēnsō: at a high price. LS impendo II.A.

per: "through (the agency of)."

quaesīsse: subject is mē.

praetereā ... postrēmō ... denique: Apuleius continues his list, dividing into successive stages of ridiculousness.  As the superlative, postrēmō could logically have been expected to be the concluding section, and the subsequent section introduced by denique might have been a humorously unexpected twist.

echīnum: genitive plural, "of sea-urchins."

caliculōs: LS and TLL spell this word calyculus, taking it as the diminutive of calyx, "covering, husk, hull, shell," so here referring to the hard rounded exoskeleton of the sea-urchin.

lolligīnum ligulās: probably the squid's gladius, which looks like the tongue of a shoe, the normal meaning of ligula. Perhaps also the similarly shaped cuttlebone of the cuttlefish (also called lollīgō, see DMLBS lolligo) is meant.

(4)

assulās: chunks of wood on the beach, presumably driftwood.

vermiculāta: "marked with sinuous or wavy lines," "vermiculated," like wood that shows the tracks of worms (vermēs).

cētera maris ēiectāmenta: supply et.

ubīque lītorum: "on every inch of the beaches."

salō: i.e., mare, via metonymy.

tranquillō: "in a (period of) calm sea," substantive adjective (LS tranquillus I.b), ablative of time when, as opposed to tempestāte, "in stormy weather."

Neque enim minus: "No less."

(5)

istīs quae commemorāvī: in sections 3-4.

accommodārī: "to be applied to," + dat. (istīs)

possunt: suspicionēs is the subject.

ex vocābulō: "on the basis of their names."

suspicionēs: i.e., that these items will be used as magical talismans.  The ones listed above will not be used for love-magic, but for other sorts of healing spells, as explained below.

(6)

Posse ... ad rēs veneriās: "have power for sexual matters."

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"You say that marine elements called after the female and male parts can influence the sex-life because of the similarity in their names. So why would not pebbles from the same coast help against stones of the bladder, or shells against painful testicles, or crabs against cancer, or seaweed against cold?" (Hunink).

spuria et fascina: for both words, this is the only place where they refer to kinds of fish; see OLD spurium and fascinum 2.c. So, they were certainly not current as proper names for fish. Actually, the former is a rare, probably Etruscan word used for the female genitals and it may have belonged to the slang of the brothel. The latter noun normally designates a phallus-shaped amulet worn around the neck to ward off the evil eye, and can hence also be used for the penis. Therefore, it seems that Apuleius is deliberately choosing obscene words, with a distinctly magical undertone in fascinum (Hunink).

propter nōminum similitūdinem: "because of the similarity of their names (to other Venus-related words)."

quī: adverbial, "how."

minus possit ... ad: "could (nom.) have less power over (acc.)."

calculus ... testa ... cancer ... alga: four examples from the list in 34 are now explained, continuing the ridicule of name magic. The first three analogies are obvious: pebbles to cure stones of the bladder or the kidney; a testa (shell) used for testicles (see B/0 and OLD testamentum 2); crabs against cancer (cancer having both senses and ulcus representing the disease). Only the last example is rather farfetched: alga “seaweed” is associated with algere “to feel cold,” taken to be the result of a shivering fit, quercerus (or -um). No external evidence exists for three of these four remedies, which makes them likely to have been invented by Apuleius for the sake of the argument. But the use of crabs against cancer is attested and seems to have been widespread. It seems hard to believe that Apuleius would not know this. (Hunink.)

testāmentum: "testicle," a unique meaning of the word. See OLD 2.

(7)

Nē: this is the interjection, "really," "indeed" (Greek ναί or νή, see LS nē at the very bottom).

oppidō proximā hūmānitāte: Proximus means "ready at hand" or "convenient" (LS propior II.B.4). Humanitas is the virtue of kindness or politeness. Oppidō is the adverb, "exceedingly."  proximā hūmānitāte is ablative of description or quality (AG 415). So, "exceedingly of the most ready-at-hand politeness," i.e., "too quick to be polite (in the face of Aemilianus's babbling)." Jones says, "extremely kind."

quī ... perpessus sīs:  quī = ut, a relative clause of result (AG 537.2): "as to have endured."

Equidem: "as for me," LS equidem II.B.

vincibilia: "capable of causing a conviction."