7

Some think oral hygiene is ridiculous (1). But a philosopher should be physically clean everywhere, especially in his mouth (2) which is used for many noble activities (3). The importance of its many functions means the mouth should be kept especially clean (4-6). The mouth is highly visible and conspicuous in humans, unlike in animals (7). 

(1)

vix: modifies tenentēs.

rīsum: object of tenentēs.

tenentēs: "holding back" LS teneo I.A.2.d. 

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Apuleius reports a reaction from the audience, as on several other occasions. Scholars sometimes take such reactions rather naively as faithful representations of reality. It should, however, be remembered that the Apology is no stenographic account of the trial. Moreover, a reaction is likely to have been recorded only where the speaker considers it opportune. Here, it is a lively note of improvisation, pointing out that the audience was making fun of Aemilianus even before Apuleius himself, thereby suggesting that it is on his side. Of course, the remark is also included to raise another laugh of the audience (Hunink).

cum ... vidēlicet: "no doubt because," inferring the reason behind the half-suppressed laughter.

munditiās ōris: "toothpaste," as above in 6.3, or, more generally, "oral hygiene" (Jones), direct object of accūsāret.

ōrātor ille: although we might expect an attack against Calpurnianus, it is obviously Aemilianus (mentioned again in 8) who is meant. The precise relation between the two is left in the dark (Hunink).

dentifricium: the word dentifricium itself, not the actual substance. The same is true of venenum below.  

tantā indignātiōne … quantā: “with as much indignation as (the indignation with which) ..."

nēmō quisquam 'venēnum': supply pronuntiāvit.

(2)

Crīmen haud contemnendum: supply est, looking forward to the infinitives sinere and pati. "It is a serious charge against a philosopher, that he allows . . ." The logic requires that this charge would be grave if it were false (Jones).

nihil uspiam corporis apertum: "no open spot anywhere on the body," direct object of patī.

(3)

in prōpatulō et cōnspicuō: in prōpatulō is a common phrase meaning "in the open air, openly, publicly." Apuleius adds conspicuo for emphasis.  

cuius ... ūsus hominī crēberrimus (est): “whose use is very frequent for man," i.e., "that humans use very frequently" (Jones).

cuipiam: "to anyone at all," dat. sing. > quispiam.

ōsculum ferat: "offers a kiss" as a greeting. Subjunctive in the protasis of a future less vivid conditional, like dissertet  and allēget below. References to the “lower” activities of the mouth, such as eating, drinking, or having sex, are carefully avoided here. Instead, we find only higher activities, with the religious element coming last as the climax (Hunink).

quīquam: = quōquam, ablative masculine singular > quisquam. This variant form is seen commonly in Plautus and Lucretius. Object of the preposition cum. 

in audītōriō dissertet: as Apuleius is doing now.

allēget: "offers," (LS allego II), pres. subjunctive, like ferat and dissertet, in the protasis of a future less vivid conditional.

(4)

Omnem ... hominis āctum: "every human act."

sermō: "the act of speech."

poēta praecipuus: Homer.

dentium mūrō: "the wall of the teeth," referring to the well-known Homeric phrase ἕρκος ὀδόντων. Mūrō is abl. of separation after proficīscitur.

(5)

Darēs nunc aliquem similiter grandiloquum: "Now, suppose you were to produce someone speaking in a similarly lofty way." For this use of dare, see OLD do 15 and Cicero, De officiis 3.75.

grandiloquum: the adjective is strictly positive here, referring to a speaker using a lofty style (Hunink).

cum prīmīs: "along with the first (things such a person would say)," i.e., “especially,” similar to the more common phrase in primis (LS primus II.B).

cui ulla fandi cura sit ... os colendum: cui is dative of agent with the gerundive colendum and dative of possession with sit. Its antecedent, being vague, is not expressed and must be supplied. Sit is subjunctive in a relative clause of characteristic, normal with a vague or generic antecedent. colendum (esse) is passive periphrastic in indirect speech after diceret. Fandi is the gerund > for fari, here in the pregnant sense of "speak articulately, as an orator," genitive after cura, as normal when cura means "concern (for a person or thing)," LS cura I.A.i.β. Thus:  "(He would say) that the mouth must be tended to by (anyone) who has any concern for speaking (publicly)."

cēterō corpore: ablative of comparison with impēnsius.

quod esset: "because it is," subjunctive in a causal clause giving an alleged reason (AG 540), attributed to the nameless orator whose views Apuleius is imagining. 

animī vestibulum: in a threefold metaphor (vestibulum, ianua, comitium), the mouth is described as a place where the orator's forces reside (Hunink).

comitium: “meeting place," literally, an assembly held for judicial, legislative, or similar purposes. Plautus also uses the word metaphorically (see OLD comitium 3).

(6)

prō meō captū: "in accordance with my notion," "as far as I understand" (LS captus II), "in my humble opinion" (B/O).

dīxerim: subj. in a cautious or modest assertion (AG 447.1).

minus ... competere: "to be less suitable or appropriate for" + dat, LS competo II.B.2. The subject is nihil.

(7)

locō … vīsū … ūsū: ablatives of specification, AG 418.

deorsum ... dēiectum: “hanging down," with the nuance of "humble, low-grade, despised" (OLD deiectus 1 and 2) consistent with the imagery of high (good) and low (bad) in this passage.  

mortuīs: “(when they are) dead,” ablative absolute, or "in (those who are) dead."

ad morsum exasperātīs: "(when they have been) provoked to bite."

cōnspicitur: supply ōs as subject.

Hominis … nihil … tacentis, loquentis: “no part of a human (i.e., more than the mouth) ... when he is silent, when he is speaking.” Nihil is direct object of contemplēre.

vērō: "by contrast.”

contemplēre: contemplēris, present subjunctive, potential: “you would notice.”