ΣΜΙΚΡΙΝΗΣ
ἡ θύρα παιητέα·
κεκλειμένη γάρ ἐστι. παῖδες, παιδίον·
ἀνοιξάτω τις. παῖδες, οὐχ ὑμῖν λέγω;
ΟΝΕΣΙΜΟΣ
τίς ἐσθ’ ὁ κόπτων τὴν θύραν; ὤ, Σμικρίνης
ὁ χαλεπός, ἐπὶ τὴν προῖκα καὶ τὴν θυγατέρα
ἥκων.1080
ΣΜΙΚΡΙΝΗΣ
ἔγωγε, τρισκατάρατε.
ΟΝΕΣΙΜΟΣ
καὶ μάλα
ὀρθῶς· λογιστικοῦ γὰρ ἀνδρὸς καὶ σφόδρα
φρονοῦντος ἡ σπουδή, τό θ’ ἅρπασμ’, Ἡράκλεις,
θαυμαστὸν οἷον.
ΣΜΙΚΡΙΝΗΣ
πρὸς θεῶν καὶ δαιμόνων—
ΟΝΕΣΙΜΟΣ
οἴει τοσαύτην τοὺς θεοὺς ἄγειν σχολὴν
ὥστε τὸ κακὸν καὶ τἀγαθὸν καθ’ ἡμέραν1085
νέμειν ἑκάστῳ, Σμικρίνη;
ΣΜΙΚΡΙΝΗΣ
λέγεις δὲ τί;
ΟΝΕΣΙΜΟΣ
σαφῶς διδάξω σ’. εἰσὶν αἱ πᾶσαι πόλεις,
ὅμοιον εἰπεῖν, χίλιαι· τρισμύριοι
οἰκοῦσ’ ἑκάστην. καθ’ ἕνα τούτων οἱ θεοὶ
ἕκαστον ἐπιτρίβουσιν ἢ σῴζουσι;1090
ΣΜΙΚΡΙΝΗΣ
πῶς;
λέγεις γὰρ ἐπίπονόν τιν’ αὐτοὺς ζῆν βίον.
ΟΝΕΣΙΜΟΣ
οὐκ ἆρα φροντίζουσιν ἡμῶν οἱ θεοί,
φήσεις; ἑκάστῳ τὸν τρόπον συνῴκισαν
φρούραρχον· οὗτος ἔνδον ἐπιτεταγμένος
ἐπέτριψεν, ἂν αὐτῷ κακῶς χρη̣σώμεθα,1095
ἕτερον δ’ ἔσωσεν. οὗτός ἐσθ’ ἡμῖν θεὸς
ὅ τ’ αἴτιος καὶ τοῦ καλῶς καὶ τοῦ κακῶς
πράττειν ἑκάστῳ· τοῦτον ἱλάσκου ποῶν
μηδὲν ἄτοπον μηδ’ ἀμαθές, ἵνα πράττῃς καλῶς.
ΣΜΙΚΡΙΝΗΣ
εἶθ’ οὑμός, ἱερόσυλε, νῦν τρόπος ποεῖ1100
ἀμαθές τι;
ΟΝΕΣΙΜΟΣ
συντρίβει σε.
ΣΜΙΚΡΙΝΗΣ
τῆς παρρησίας.
ΟΝΕΣΙΜΟΣ
ἀλλ’ ἀπαγαγεῖν παρ’ ἀνδρὸς αὑτοῦ θυγατέρα
ἀγαθὸν σὺ κρίνεις, Σμικρίνη;
ΣΜΙΚΡΙΝΗΣ
λέγει δὲ τίς
τοῦτ’ ἀγαθόν; ἀλλὰ νῦν ἀναγκαῖον.
ΟΝΕΣΙΜΟΣ
θεᾷ;
τὸ κακὸν ἀναγκαῖον λογίζεθ’ οὑτοσί.1105
τοῦτόν τις ἄλλος, οὐχ ὁ τρόπος, ἀπολλύει;
καὶ νῦν μὲν ὁρμῶντ’ ἐπὶ πονηρὸν πρᾶγμά σε
ταὐτόματον ἀποσέσωκε, καὶ καταλαμβάνεις
διαλλαγὰς λύσεις τ’ ἐκείνων τῶν κακῶν.
αὖθις δ’ ὅπως μὴ λήψομαί σε, Σμικρίνη,1110
προπετῆ λέγω σοι· νῦν δὲ τῶν ἐγκλημάτων
ἀφεῖσο τούτων, τὸν δὲ θυγατριδοῦν λαβὼν
ἔνδον πρόσειπε.
ΣΜΙΚΡΙΝΗΣ
θυγατριδοῦν, μαστιγία;
ΟΝΕΣΙΜΟΣ
παχύδερμος ἦσθα καὶ σύ, νοῦν ἔχειν δοκῶν.
οὕτως ἐτήρεις παῖδ’ ἐπίγαμον; τοιγαροῦν1115
τέρασιν ὅμοια πεντάμηνα παιδία
ἐκτρέφομεν.
ΣΜΙΚΡΙΝΗΣ
οὐκ οἶδ’ ὅ τι λέγεις.
ΟΝΕΣΙΜΟΣ
ἡ γραῦς δέ γε
οἶδ’, ὡς ἐγὦιμαι· τότε γὰρ οὑμὸς δεσπότης
τοῖς Ταυροπολίοις, Σωφρόνη, ταύτην λαβὼν
χορῶν ἀποσπασθεῖσαν—αἰσθάνει γε; νή,1120
νυνὶ δ’ ἀναγνωρισμὸς αὐτοῖς γέγονε καὶ
ἅπαντ’ ἀγαθά.
ΣΜΙΚΡΙΝΗΣ
τί φησιν, ἱερόσυλε γραῦ;
ΟΝΕΣΙΜΟΣ
“ἡ φύσις ἐβούλεθ’, ἧι νόμων οὐδὲν μέλει·
γυνὴ δ’ ἐπ’ αὐτῷ τῷδ’ ἔφυ.” τί μῶρος εἶ;
τραγικὴν ἐρῶ σοι ῥῆσιν ἐξ Αὔγης ὅλην1125
ἂν μή ποτ’ αἴσθῃ, Σμικρίνη.
ΣΜΙΚΡΙΝΗΣ
σύ μοι χολὴν
κινεῖς παθαινομένη· σὺ γὰρ σφόδρ’ οἶσθ’ ὅ τι
οὗτος λέγει νῦν.
ΟΝΕΣΙΜΟΣ
οἶδε̣· τ̣οῦτ’ εὖ ἴσθ’ ὅτι
ἡ γραῦς προτέρα συνῆκε.
ΣΜΙΚΡΙΝΗΣ
πάνδεινον λέγεις.
ΟΝΕΣΙΜΟΣ
οὐ γέγονεν εὐτύχημα μεῖζον οὐδὲ ἕν.1130
ΣΜΙΚΡΙΝΗΣ
εἰ τοῦτ’ ἀληθές ἐσθ’ ὃ λέγεις, τὸ παιδίον
notes
1075 ἡ θύρα παιητέα: lit. “this (is) a door to be knocked” which means something like “gotta knock on this door,” referring to the door of the house of CHAIRESTRATOS, where CHAIREAS, HABROTONON, and much of the dramatic recent dramatic revelations have taken place.
1076 παῖδες, παιδίον: lit. “kids, little boy” but a derogatory way to call out to slaves. Some dialects of English used to use “boy!” in a similarly derogatory way.
1077 ἀνοιξάτω: > ἀνοίγω 3rd sing. aor. imper. act. lit. “let someone open…” but more like an assertive, “Someone open this door!” in English. οὐχ ὑμῖν λέγω: lit. “Aren’t I talking to you?” but again more like an assertive “I’m talking to you!”
1078: In response to SMIKRINES’ aggressiveness, ONESIMOS opens the door and comes out on stage aggressively in response. ἐσθ’: = ἐστι. ὤ: like English “oh,” this can indicate surprise and/or sarcasm.
1080 ἔγωγε: much like responding “ME!” in English.
1080-1083: ONESIMOS is thoroughly sarcastic in his lines here.
1082 τό θ’ ἅρπασμ’: = τό τε ἅρπασμα
1085 τἀγαθὸν: = τὸ ἀγαθὸν
1087 σ’: = σε
1094 ἐπιτεταγμένος: > ἐπιτάττω masc. nom. sing. perf. part. mid.
1098 ἱλάσκου: > ἱλάσκομαι 2nd sing. pres. imper. mid.
1100 εἶθ’: = εἶτα. οὑμός: = ὁ ἐμός
1104 θεᾷ: > θεάομαι 2nd sing. pres. indic. mid. ONESIMOS addresses Sophrone and/or the spectators.
1105 οὑτοσὶ: = οὗτος + deictic (“pointing”) iota, “this man here…”
1108 ταὐτόματον: = τὸ αὐτόματον
1112 ἀφεῖσο: > ἀφίημι, 2nd sing. aor. indic. mid.
1118 οἶδ’, ὡς ἐγὦιμαι: = οἶδε, ὡς ἐγὼ οἴομαι “SHE knows, I think…”
1119: See note on line 451, where ONESIMOS first mentions the Tauropolia festival.
1120 αἰσθάνει: > αἰσθάνομαι 2nd sing. pres. indic. mid.
1122 ἅπαντ’: = ἅπαντα
1123 ἐβούλεθ’: = ἐβούλετο
1123-1125: ONESIMOS quotes a phrase from Euripides’ Auge (fr. 265a), a play for which only a few scattered lines survive now. He then humorously threatens to deliver an entire speech from the play. The choice of play is relevant, for in that tragedy, Hercules had raped Auge and later he is identified as the father by means of a ring that he had left behind, an evident parallel to the plot of Epitrepontes.
1126:αἴσθῃ > αἰσθάνομαι 2nd sing. aor. subj. mid.
1128 ἴσθ’: = ἴσθι > οἶδα
Nothing of the script survives from after line 1131 but it is unlikely that there would have been more than a hundred lines left. Certainly ONESIMOS would have completed explaining the scenario to SMIKRINES. What else would have happened and what other characters would have returned to the stage is unknown.
vocabulary
θύρα -ας ἡ: door
παιητέος -α -ον: to be knocked
κεκλειμένος -η -ον: locked
ἀνοίγω: to open
κόπτω: to hammer, knock
θύρα -ας ἡ: door
προίξ προῖκος ἡ: gift, dowry
τρισκατάπρατος -ον: triply cursed
ὀρθῶς: rightly, straightly
λογιστικός -ή -όν: reasonable, skilled, calculating
σφόδρα: very much, exceedingly
σπουδή -ῆς ἡ: zeal, haste, eagerness
ἅρπασμα -ατος τό: robbery
Ἡράκλεις: “by Hercules!”
θαυμαστός -ή -όν: marvelous
σχολή -ῆς ἡ: leisure, rest, ease
νέμω: to deal out, dispense
σαφῶς: clearly, plainly, distinctly
χίλιοι -αι -α: thousand
τρισμύριοι -αι -α: thirty-thousand
ἐπιτρίβω: to destroy
ἐπίπονος -ον: painful
φροντίζω: to regard, provide for
συνοικίζω: to unite
φρούραρχος -ου ὁ: guardian
ἔνδον: inside
ἐπιτάττω: station, put in place
ἐπιτρίβω ἐπιτρίψω ἐπέτριψα: to destroy
ἱλάσκομαι: to appease
ἄτοπος -ον: unnatural, absurd
ἀμαθής -ές: ignorant, stupid
ἱερόσυλος -ον: sacrilegious
ἀμαθής -ές: ignorant, stupid
συντρίβω: to shatter, crush
παρρησία -ας ἡ: outspokenness, freedom of speech
ἀπάγω ἀπάξω ἀπήγαγον: to carry off, take away
θεάομαι: to look
ἀναγκαῖος -α -ον: necessary
λογίζομαι: to reckon accounts
αὐτόματος -η -ον: automatic
ἀποσῴζω ἀποσώσω ἀπέσωσα ἀποσέσωκα: to save
διαλλαγή -ῆς ἡ: reconciliation, difference
αὖθις: back, again
προπετής -ές: flying toward, reckless, rash
ἔγκλημα -ατος τό: accusation, charge
θυγατριδοῦς -οῦ ὁ: daughter’s son, grandson
ἔνδον: inside
προσεῖπον: to speak to, greet
θυγατριδοῦς -οῦ ὁ: daughter’s son, grandson
μαστιγίας -ου ὁ: one who has been, or should be, whipped (a way to address a slave with the threat of a whipping)
παχύδερμος ον: thickheaded, stupid
τηρέω: to watch over, guard
ἐπίγαμος -ον: marriageable
τοιγαροῦν: therefore, accordingly
τέρας τέρατος τό: sign, omen
πεντάμηνα: five month
ἐκτρέφω: to rear, to bring up from childhood
γραῦς γραός ἡ: old woman
χορός -οῦ ὁ: dance, group of dancers
ἀποσπάω ἀποσπάσω ἀπέσπασα: to drag away from, separate
ἀναγνώρισις -εως ἡ: recognition, dénouement
ἱερόσυλος -ον: sacrilegious
γραῦς γραός ἡ: old woman
μέλει: to care about
μωρός -ά -όν: dumb, moronic
τραγικός -ή -ό: tragic
χολή -ῆς ἡ: bile, (this refers to the belief that certain substances in the body caused personality disorders; cf. the note on line 880)
σφόδρα: very much, exceedingly
γραῦς γραός ἡ: old woman
συνίημι συνήσω συνῆκα: to put together
πάνδεινος -ον: dreadful, terrible
εὐτύχημα -ατος τό: success, blessing
παιδίον -ου τό: little child, young child
translation
SMIKRINES
Hey! It’s locked! You, in there
(Banging on the door)
I’ll beat down this door! Hellllllooooo? Answer me!
ONESIMOS
(opening the door looking flustered and apologetic until he sees who it is)
Oh…
(unable to disguise the disgust in his voice)
it’s Smikrines, the irksome, coming for his dowry and his daughter no doubt!
SMIKRINES
(enraged by the apathy/late response)
(1080) YES IT’S ME, YOU FOOL! COWARD!
ONESIMOS
(sarcastic, leaning against the doorframe, blocking entry)
Ah yes, perfect, that’s the eagerness and haste of a reasonable and very wise man, snatching at things. Hercules, how marvelous!
SMIKRINES
By the gods! Or demons more like.
ONESIMOS
(Philosophically)
Do you suppose, Smikrines, that the gods have so much free time (1085) that they can go around dispensing good and bad to each and every man?
SMIKRINES
(angrily confused)
What are you talking about?
ONESIMOS
(standing up and taking his spot on stage as if giving a lecture)
Here, I will show you! There are, let’s say, about a thousand cities in total. Each city has maybe (pauses to consider briefly) a gazillion inhabitants. Now, can the gods destroy or save each one of them? How? You’d give them a dreadful existence, going around looking after all of us!
(deepening in voice, putting on a gruff, angry SMIKRINES voice)
“Don’t the gods provide for us?” you ask. Well, certainly! They station in each of us a conscience which acts as a garrison against the siege of life. Now, this garrison is set up to destroy us inside if we betray it or treat it poorly, but save us if we treat it properly. This is our god who is responsible for bringing both the good and the bad to each individual. Appease it by doing nothing unnatural and nothing stupid and you will do well.
SMIKRINES
(1100) Oh and is my “conscience” now doing something stupid, you charlatan?
ONESIMOS
It’s absolutely crushing you inside!
SMIKRINES
THE AUDACITY!
(turning to SOPHRONE for back up, she clearly agrees with ONESIMOS)
ONESIMOS
Do you really think it’s fair to take your daughter away from her husband, Smikrines?
SMIKRINES
Who said anything about fair? It’s not fair! It’s necessary!
ONESIMOS
(to the audience)
Would you look at this? (1105) He thinks it’s a “necessary evil!” Obviously, his own character is tearing him apart, what else could it be?
(to SMIKRINES)
Well, while you were off hacking some nefarious scheme, Lady Luck came right along and fixed everything right up – see for yourself, everyone’s kissed and made up! (1110) Now,
(taking a chastising tone)
I’m sure I won’t find you acting so recklessly in the future, Smikrines! Give up all these crazy accusations and get inside – go meet your daughter’s son!
SMIKRINES
HOW DARE Y--
(stop and freeze for a LONG period)
my what? My daughter’s CHILD? What?! MY DAUGHTER’S CHILD?
ONESIMOS
Wow, you really were oblivious, huh? Thinking you had all the facts and figures sorted out. (1115) Honestly, I can’t believe you let something like that happen! There’s a reason it came out in five months and it wasn’t ‘cuz it was a premie, if you know what I mean…
SMIKRINES
What-WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? I DON’T UNDERSTAND!
ONESIMOS
Oh, well I’m sure at least her nurse there
(gestures to SOPHRONE who reacts dramatically, covering her face and sobbing or otherwise acting mournful and dramatic)
knows. So you see, Sophrone, at the festival, my master took the girl, who had separated from the group
(clears throat awkwardly)
(1120) … you understand? Good, yes. And now it’s time for the denouement and all will be well!
SMIKRINES
(turning on Sophrone) WHAT IS HE SAYING, YOU OLD CRONE?
ONESIMOS
(quoting philosophically, like Shakespeare,)
“Nature willed and does not care for any of the laws and makes woman for his thing.”
(SMIKRINES still doesn’t get it).
Oh, come on, man, how are you this stupid? (1125) Don’t make me give you the whole tragic speech from the Auge! How can you not understand it, Smikrines?
(SOPHRONE dabs at tears silently, recalling Pamphile’s troubles)
SMIKRINES
(to SOPHRONE)
You’re making me sick, you know that? SICK! You know exactly what he’s on about!
ONESIMOS
Oh, she knows, she knows very well! She was the first to put it together!
SMIKRINES
(realization dawns)
No! But that means! No, you can’t mean! You’re saying something dreadful!
CHAIRESTRATOS
(interjecting before ONESIMOS can answer)
As entertaining as it is to watch the old guy blow his top, I think it’s time to put everyone out of their misery: in case you’re feeling a bit lost like Smikrines,
(SMIKRINES is still miming confusions and rage alternately silently in the background)
Charisios raped Pamphile at the festival, she had the baby five months into their marriage leading Charisios to think she had been unfaithful, then he moved out and took to moping around my house with Habrotonon. Should be a happy ending now – the couple will reconcile and raise their baby as a full Athenian citizen – which if you recall from just a little while ago was the main issue Onesimos was so worked up about.
(Sarcastic)
It would be such a scandal if Charisos had had a child with a slave! But raping his own wife? I certainly can’t see how there could be any lingering issues with that outcome! Well, I’ll make my exit and leave you now with all these questions, I’m just the neighbor next door after all,
(shrugs)
so what do I know?
(exits through the door to his house)
END MENANDER’S ARBITRATION